A Fresh Look at Some Relationship “Rules”


You’ve probably heard some of these so-called “rules” for relationships before. You may have even had them quoted at you in the guise of helpful advice. But how effective are these rules? Should you ever break them? Here are few rules that may deserve breaking.

1. Using “I” instead of “you.” This is actually a great tip. Instead of saying accusing things like “You make me angry when you…” relationship counselors advise expressing your feelings in a less confrontational way by saying things like “I feel angry when you…” However, whether you’re saying you or I, you’re still talking about two separate individuals. Saying “we” is a much better way for couples to work through problems. Focus on what you can do together to solve the problem.

2. Never go to bed angry. The idea behind this is good—you should never give up on finding a resolution to a disagreement—but sometimes you simply don’t have time to work through your anger before bed. Spending a sleepless night won’t help, especially if you have other responsibilities in the morning. If you can’t kiss and make up before bed, think of all the things you love about your partner as you fall asleep, to help you calm down.

3. Be brutally honest about your feelings. Honesty is definitely a good thing, but sometimes there is such a thing as too much honesty. Be sensitive about what comments or complaints your partner can handle at a given moment. Don’t insult them needlessly in the name of honesty.

Should you really break up?

If the decision to end a relationship has found you after a particularly long and heated argument, or if you are simply being overwhelmed by the tangled mess you’re in, you might want to stop and think it through. Here are a few tips that will help you determine what to do next.

Locate the true source of your stress

Sometimes, we can’t see the forest for the trees. Sit and think for a moment – identify the source of your stress. If you realize that your unhappiness actually stems from other areas of your life (work, finances, overall exhaustion, etc), discuss that with your partner. When under a lot of stress, we often have a tendency to blame the nearest person around us, while with the right approach the they can actually be the best person to support us.

Measure the distance between you7259-1_n

Ask yourself: what is the reason your partner doesn’t seem to be “the one” anymore? Is it because your relationship lacks its old passion? Is it because you started to take each other for granted? Or is it because your partner has serious issues with himself, e.g. you keep on catching them secretly drinking or visiting sites like eonlinecasinoreviews.com? While abuse, difference in your long-term goals and other deeper problems like alcohol or gambling addiction are indeed a sign that you should break up, some lesser issues can be repaired if the both sides are willing to work on it.

Take a time-out

Remember that you are an individual as well as the half of a couple. When is the last time you took time to enjoy a moment of entertainment on your own? Even if you don’t have the money for a spa treatment, you could enjoy a simple night out with your friends, or go to the cinema all by yourself. Once you recharge your batteries and take a fresh approach to life, this revitalization might spread to your relationship as well.

Face the consequences

If you break up, what will your life look like? Be as realistic as possible. It might really be better and wiser to move on from a complicated relationship if the bonds between you and your significant other can easily be severed. If you are married and have children, however, you will probably want to be sure that the divorce has no happy alternatives.

The final advice – don’t break up in the heat of the moment. Think it through and have a conversation when both you and your partner have cooled off. Even if the break up truly is imminent, you will feel better if it plays out peacefully.